Here's a picture of my table. Nothing special - I just wanted to post a picture because I had stuff to write about.
This weekend I did my final triathlon for the year. I felt really good about it. I did about 10 minutes better then last year, and about 18 minutes better then the year prior to that. The distances were: swim, 1 mile; bike, 27 miles; run 5 miles. My time was 2:33:34 - pretty crappy compared to the top guys but for me it was good.
I find myself wondering what my time would be if I actually trained regularly. I'd be unstoppable - I'd be the king of the world. Seriously, everybody would bow down to me and say, "You did the triathlon so quickly that we want you to be our king."
Then I'd say, "Brothers. Sisters. Please do not worship me, I am just an ordinary man - with the uncanny ability to swim, bike, and run really super fast. And, yes, my body is unbelievably beautiful, my mind is goddish in capacity, and my heart is understanding. But, alas, I am not the person for such a calling. And, besides, it is hard enough for me to find a girl that loves me for me and not just for my body - imagine how hard it would be to find a woman with pure intent if I had the power of all this Earth in my hands."
To which the women would, in unison, cry out, "Master, if it pleases you, allow us all to serve you. Marry who you will - we will refrain from jealousy, if only you let us exist in your shadow."
And, of course, all the dudes, would nod their heads and exclaim with one accord, "It is better that we feel no love and have you as our king then for us to know a woman and not have you as our king."
This, obviously, would cause me to weep (because of my understanding heart and all). And the utter pain, due to my humility, of the universal acclimation would be too great for my heart to bare and I would have no choice but to swim, bike, and run away so fast that I'd end up traveling beyond the speed of light and would therefore go back in time - at which point I'd find my younger self and tell me not to train regularly for the triathlons. And then, you would find me as I am now - a normal human being with triathlon times of 2:33:43.
Amen.
10 comments:
Nicely written.
Thanks for remaining human.
I think you took your dream fantasy a little too far by putting it into words like this. Why is it that men have such an appetite for power and hero worship? And we wonder at how easily power and money can corrupt people. It's sad really. I realize that you're not being serious, but you have thought about it.....
You may be correct. But, I’m not sure I’m humble enough to allow the words of an anonymous feminist to sink too deeply into my heart - especially when the attack is toward something as harmless as meaningless farce.
Or, are you just a nice girl who's momentarily embittered toward men?
Ouch. No I am not bitter towards men. In fact I have to chuckle when guys throw that defense out there. Without knowing you well it's hard to judge how much of what you wrote is a farce.
I recognized it for being an imaginative piece, but being of the female persuasion it did rub me the wrong way. I wouldn't consider myself to be a feminist, but maybe you don't associate enough with LDS girls who have minds and opinions. Perhaps you're one of those guys that think any of us over 23 are bitter and want to get married ASAP. I'm not trying to attack you on this issue. I'm all for keeping communications friendly.
Okay, I apologize. At least, apologize for sounding rude in my last two entries. That is the problem with communication sans speech – you cannot hear my voice, and that is something I keep forgetting. I am not good enough at writing yet to realize that what I type can read much harsher then it sounds in my head. Having the weekend to think about things and after having read your latest reply I have realized that I am being a jerk for getting so defensive.
Because you are neither a feminist nor bitter toward men (or so I need to assume based on your claims) I have to conclude that your original message was not intended as an attack. I cannot presume to know your reasons but I am concluding that your intentions were not unkind. So, if I am correct, I am sorry for snapping at you.
I will not be changing my “story” but I believe that your comments will give rise to my thinking of what I write more carefully and to be, perhaps, more cautious about what I write. I cannot say that you have changed my opinions but you have given me something to think about.
Allow me, though, to give you something to think about as well. And, let me preface this by noting that I write this in an unassuming manner – not as a vindictive volley. Since you have commented that I am not the only guy to label you as "bitter," perhaps you ought to ask yourself if there is any truth to it. I have a theory that if more then a few people say the same negative thing about yourself, then perhaps you ought to ask if there is something in you that needs changing.
My orignal comment sparked more interest than I thought it would. I seem to have gotten myself into a verbal spar with you. I do agree that one of the drawbacks in communicating online is that the tone in which you are writing can be misunderstood. I think that is the case on both our sides.
I think it would have been easier if I had simply said that I found your blog to be over the top. Instead I likened your male fantasy to the corruption of men. That was my mistake and I see how that was insulting to you.
I am reminded of a quote by Frank Outlaw that says "Watch your thoughts;they become words. Watch your words;they become actions. Watch your actions;they become habits. Watch your habits;they become character. Watch your character;it becomes your destiny." Now I am making this entirely too serious, but at least my comments made you think about what I said. Suffice it to say I had overheard someone say that they thought you were a bit of a snob and so I wondered how much of a stretch your "farce" was. Now that I have observed you I don't think you are and it reminded me how important it is that we form our own opinions for ourselves and not act on what others say.
Now to address your last remark. In actuality I have never had a single person tell me that they think I'm bitter. I just hate hearing guys in the church throw that around. If you get rejected it's because "she's bitter;" if she's in a bad mood it's because "she's bitter; she's that age so "she must be bitter." Why is it that guys in the church don't get the bitter label?
That's one of the things I hate about dating in our church. We make everything so much more complicated than it needs to be. Can't people just date and not have to worry that everyone thinks they're going to get married? Why are so many girls in Utah given the impression that men must cater to their every need? Why do guys think there is an endless parade of better looking women and why settle for just one? There are so many great and wonderful women in the church who do not fit this perfect ideal that so many men have. The same can be said for men too. We may think Brad Pitt is hot, but that doesn't mean that we expect you to spend every free moment getting buff. It's sad how much our dating culture has been influenced by the world. I have gone too much off the course of the subject at hand. I should delete all this, but I've spent the time typing it, so I will leave it.
And now deep thoughts by Jack Handey, "As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."
This is the second time I've heard something to the effect of, "You know, I've never liked you because I've had friends who told me that you were arrogant. But, now that I know you better, you're actually not too bad."
I wonder if you have the same friend(s) as the person I roughly quoted above. I mean, I gather that you, Miss Anonymous, are from here in Minnesota, because I really only know Minnesotans, and the quoted person above is also from MN.
I guess I'm not complaining. I realize that people have the right to form their own opinions. I form opinions of people quicker then I should. I can't be all things to everyone. And, I probably am a little bit arrogant at times.
Any suggestions on ways to not come off as too supercilious?
First, let’s see if we can define a few set of words that all seem to have a close and sometimes ambiguous relationship.
#1 Snob, Arrogant, Cocky, Supercilious, Haughty, Snooty, Conceited, and Egotistical all seem to be words that describe a person who thinks them self above other people - a person who looks down at other people.
#2 Confident, Secure, and Certain seem to be words that describe someone who doesn’t question themselves or who assumes success.
#3 Shy, Timid, Meek, Quiet, Nervous Reluctant, Cautious, et cetera, seem to be words that describe a person who is easily frightened, a person who is unwilling to put trust in somebody, a person who is afraid.
#4 Tired, Bored, Sleepy, Uninterested, Lethargic, and Lazy describe someone who just isn’t in the mood or the spirits to talk or interact with other people.
Here’s where it can get really confusing. Could a person be Tired (#4), Shy (#3), and Confident (#2) but be labeled as Arrogant (#1)? Could a person be Arrogant (#1), Sleepy (#4), and Certain (#2) but be labeled as Nervous (#3)? Of course (at least, I think so).
I won’t lie, there are times I feel superior to someone else (its human nature). There are times when I’m just too uninterested to listen to someone (I try, but who doesn’t get bored listening to someone rattle on about [pick a topic]). There are plenty of times when I’m just plan old shy - I get nervous around people. The sad thing is that depending on who I’m talking to each one of my admitted adjectives can come off as #1 only - which sucks for me (and everybody else who falls in this category - which is almost everybody at one time or another).
So, honestly, I am, at different points in my life, all the adjectives listed above. I’d like to believe that on the whole I’m a decent guy who doesn’t think himself better then too many people. But whither I truly do or not, I could always use a few tips to become better. Couldn't we all?
It's always hard to fight against labels or unfair opinions. I honestly don't know what you can do to not came off as being supercilious. (Nice vocab by the way!) Sometimes when people view you as being rich or affluent it's a word you get labeled with before even having the chance to speak.
I've had people think that because of my family's lifestyle that we must be spoiled. I'm very much not! I've also heard things that have been said about me that were totally off base. It's frustrating and I just had to work harder to overcome those barriers or just back off.
I don't really have any good advice.
Hmmm...
First, which thesaurus did you find supercilious from?
Second, oh brother!
Third, Bri will you be my king?
Fourth, who is the woman behind the curtain? It's easy to be bold and brash under the guise of anonymity.
Fifth, kumbaya! Let's hold hands and love one another.
Sixth, there's probably someone prettier out there!
Seventh, cater baby!
Eighth, apology, schmology.
Ninth, blah, blah!
Tenth, blah!
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